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Question: I’ve tried several times to broach the subject of living in a retirement community with my parents, but they avoid discussing this with me. Luckily they’re both in good health right now, but I think their life would be so much better in a senior community. In your experience, what is the main reason seniors give for not moving?
Answer from Ginny Reefer, Hank Fisher Properties CEO: The “reason” I hear most often from seniors for not moving into a retirement community is that they are “not ready yet.” And, I used to think it was silly. I mean, who wouldn’t be ready to have chores done for them, like yard work, housekeeping and meal preparation? Who wouldn’t be ready to have interesting people around and lots of fun activities planned? Who wouldn’t be ready to know their well being is look out for? But, I’ve come to appreciate that this little phrase is filled with valid concerns that many seniors share.
We humans can want two contradictory things at the same time. One part of us may be focused on making things in our lives better while another part actively resists any change that would enable us to accomplish this. Most of us have even said, “I’m of two minds about that.” And this double-mindedness is what can cause decision-making to be difficult and painful.
One of the reasons we may want contradictory things is that we all carry around “big assumptions” about our world and ourselves. We’re not even necessarily aware of these assumptions because they are so deeply rooted and woven into our sense of ourselves. So it should be no surprise that the generation that survived the Great Depression and helped win the Second World War would see themselves as self-reliant and rugged individualists. Moving into a retirement care community could challenge those perceptions. Many of the seniors I talk with agree that senior living is a terrific concept; they just have a hard time envisioning it for themselves.
They would have to make an internal transition that would allow them to let go of the life they have now for something unknown. And they would have to find ways of carrying what they value about themselves into the new situation or relinquish it in order to have something they hope will be better. Just think of the fears we all have about stepping into the unknown.
And, it’s not as though changing one’s place of residence is a small decision – it is a major one. But most of us have moved more than once during our lifetimes to accommodate new life circumstances, like a new job or a growing family. Moving into senior living to make life a little easier would be much the same.
Time and time again, I have seen seniors’ lives dramatically improve when they move into a retirement community. I’m convinced that senior living is likely to be more than most seniors expect. That’s why I encourage them and their loved ones to visit communities and experience senior living for themselves. I think they’ll discover, to paraphrase Winston Churchill, “they have nothing to fear but fear itself.”